Poison

My wife is poisoning me.

I suspect she’s been doing this for about a year. She’s very sneaky, and doing it in small doses so no one will notice. I’ve been wondering for some time about changes in my physical appearance, my reasoning abilities, the things I now somewhat enjoy doing that I used to hate, things I now don’t care to do that I used to really enjoy, my changed eating habits and desire for foods that I used to not care for, and the list goes on.

I’ll explain how I realized what was happening.

Today I was shopping for some of those little rugs I mentioned in an earlier post. Yesterday, I had purchased 6 of the little rugs. Took them home, and realized I didn’t like the way they looked in the house. So today I returned 5 of the 6, and commenced looking for others that better fit our décor. I found one I thought was just darling and purchased it, thinking at the time, that if it wasn’t just right I could return it tomorrow and shop for another replacement. After making my purchase, I was meandering around the store and found a nice sweater on sale that I liked, and since it was on sale, I felt I had to buy it and I did.

When I got home, I put the rug in place and was pleased with how it looked. Feeling somewhat proud of myself, I decided to try on my new sweater.

Now, in the past year, I have gained about 25 pounds. This, after weighing the same +or-5 pounds for the past 30 years. I’ve been aware of this but thought it may just be part of the aging process, until I put on my new sweater and discovered I have developed boobs. Not big, but they didn’t use to be there.

This is when all the subtle changes that have been taking place over the past year hit me, and I realized what she’s been doing.

I imagine you’ve already figured it out. That’s right, my wife is slipping estrogen into my food. I don’t know how much needs to be consumed to be fatal, or maybe that’s not her intent, she may be satisfied just for me to behave as she does. It’s really scary, because it obviously is working.

Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I started lacing her food with testosterone?