If you wish to read the "Animals" story, start with episode 1, then if not pissed or bored, go to episode 2 and then the conclusion.

Animals: The Conclusion

Dick and Spot were despondent, ashamed, embarrassed, and thoroughly disgusted with themselves for the way they had treated Jane. Tying her to a tree as they had, was much too severe a punishment for her having stolen their stick. They returned to the scene of their irresponsible, demeaning, sexist, disgusting, reprehensible, chauvinistic behavior.

When they arrived at the tree they found Jane in reasonably good condition, considering she had been exposed to the elements for five days without nourishment. However, she was as might be expected, a little pissed.

They quickly released her from the tree, removed the nest of sparrows from her hair, and got the fire ants out of her socks and shoes. They then apologized profusely and promised to do her bidding until she felt they had done sufficient penance, which turned out to be quite a long time. Jane in turn agreed to not steal their stick again.

Eventually, the three of them once again became the best of friends. Spot resumed fetching the stick, and Jane shared equally in the stick throwing. These good times continued until puberty, which is another story, that will remain unwritten, I promise.

As for Hillary and Nancy, they fared quite well themselves. Once they became comfortable with sharing their somewhat cramped quarters at the bottom of the well, they became the closest of friends. The local villagers had adopted the custom of daily dropping fish heads and other delicacies down the well for nourishment and the village mayor, a man named Newt, had installed a television at the top of the well for their entertainment. The television was left on 24/7, but unfortunately could only receive the Fox News channel. The villagers extricated Hillary and Nancy when the local ground water became contaminated and began to kill all the vegetation in the area.

The last anyone heard from Hill and Nan, they were working on a cattle ranch in Crawford, Texas. A nice rancher named George and his wife Laura, had set them up with their own little bunkhouse, equipped with the one channel television they had requested, and they were enjoying life as never before.

So our story ends with all being happy and content, which is how life was meant to be in a free and liberal society.

And yes there is a moral to this story:

"Be careful what you publish on your web site if you wish to maintain harmony with those you care about."
Especially if your web site has only one follower.

I have a follower!

However, my son tells me it will be short lived unless I clean up my act.

So, I intend to conclude my story soon.

Animals Episode 2

ANIMALS

At first, Dick and Spot thought it would be easy to find a nice girl to be their friend, but that proved not to be the case.They hadn't ventured far from Jane's tree when they met two considerably older girls who proved to be much worse than Jane.

The first of these was named Hillary. They didn't spend too much time with Hillary because she didn't act like a girl, in fact she didn't like being a girl. She wore boy clothes, used extremely foul language, and always complained that Dick wasn't throwing the stick properly and that Spot didn't bring the stick back quickly enough. Dick and Spot didn't like Hillary, but then nobody else liked Hillary either, except the people who lived in the evil northeast. So, Dick and Spot threw Hillary down a well and continued their search.

They mistakenly thought they couldn't do any worse than Hillary, until they met Nancy, who proved to be an incredible example of genetics gone amok. She was simply put, an inept egomaniac. When she tried to walk, one or both of her feet would somehow get stuck in her mouth. The same thing happened whenever she tried to talk. So, they tossed her down Hillary's well. This resulted in a shouting, hissing, screaming, cussing, scratching, gurgling, commotion to emanate from the well, that entertained them and everyone in the vicinity for hours.

But alas, they still hadn't found a suitable girl to take Jane's place, and were beginning to think they may have treated Jane too harshly.

( Next episode: Return to Jane, or keeping searching?)

Animals Episode 1

ANIMALS

Once upon a time there were three animals. A boy animal, a girl animal, and a dog animal.

The boy animal was known as Dick, the girl animal as Jane, and the dog animal was Spot.

Dick was the smartest of the three, Spot was the next smartest, and Jane was a liberal democrat.

A favorite game they played was called "Fetch". In this game Dick would throw a stick, Spot would run to the stick, pick it up and bring it back to Dick. Dick and Spot thought this was a fun way to pass time and did this often. Jane complained that it wasn't fair for Dick to enjoy playing this game unless everyone else was provided a stick and a dog so they could play the game too. Dick and Spot were used to Jane complaining, it seemed to be her fun way to pass time, so they did their best to ignore her.

One day, Jane took their stick and gave it to someone else who didn't have a stick. She tried to give Spot away too, but he bit her. Jane then tried to sue Dick, claiming that his dog Spot had unjustly attacked her. The suit was dismissed as being frivolous, but Dick and Spot were still mad at Jane for giving away their stick, so they tied her to a tree.

They then left to search for a new girl who wouldn't steal their stuff and give it to others.

( Next episode: Dick and Spot meet other girls)

What I watch when I'm feeling down